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His Mid-Life Crisis is Not Your Fault

A partner's midlife crisis can be emotionally taxing but there is potential for both of you to emerge stronger and more connected.
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Key Points:

Another person’s midlife crisis is not about you.

Recognize the signs of a midlife crisis and approach your partner with open communication, and encouragement to seek professional help.

Maintain your own emotional and physical well-being by setting boundaries.

Use this period to reevaluate goals, strengthen communication, and foster new shared experiences.

In the middle of a peaceful morning or an ordinary evening, you might experience a sudden world shift. You might detect subtle behaviors changes in your spouse-suddenly he becomes silent, irritable or starts involving himself/herself in new hobbies and interests. And may be experiencing the unsettling reality of a midlife crisis. But it’s important to know that his midlife crisis is not your fault.

Understanding the Midlife Crisis

A midlife crisis usually occurs between ages 40 and 60. This time marks a period whereby people start reflecting on their lives, what they have accomplished against their aspirations and mortality itself. It can be an exceptionally emotional period for many people. Your partner may experience guilt feelings about aging, regret as well as trying to rediscover his/her memory or fill dreams which were not realized.

Recognizing the Signs

Knowing signs of a mid-life crisis will help you to understand and navigate through this difficult phase better. Common symptoms to look for:

Mood Swings: Instant mood changes such as depression sadness to uncharacteristic bursts of enthusiasm.

Impulsive Decisions: Engaging in spontaneous activities like buying costly items, shifting jobs or starting new hobbies.

Obsessing Over Appearance: Gets preoccupied with looks by undergoing abrupt grooming variations or exercise programs.

Revisiting the Past: Becoming nostalgic over past relationships, accomplishments, youth experiences in an unhealthy obsessive way.

Withdrawal: Emotionally pulling away from loved ones, more alone time or absence from family activities

It’s Not About You!

One of the hardest aspects of dealing with your partner’s mid-life crisis is not taking it personally. You naturally wonder whether you’ve done something wrong. However a midlife crisis doesn’t depend on how bad your relationship is between partner and yourself rather; it’s simply an internal struggle that he/she faces without reference to you or your actions. This period of self-assessment and internal struggle is more about their own fears and doubts than anything else.

Supporting Your Partner: If You Want To

While it’s important to understand that you did not cause the problem, you can support your partner through this time.  This is not to suggest that you should or that you are obligated to do so.  But supporting your partner through his mid-life crisis will help both of you go through this stormy time. Here are some suggestions:

Communicate Openly: Foster open communication. Allow him/her to express feelings and fears without criticism.

Be Patient: Remember that this stage too won’t last forever. Patience and understanding can help maintain a stable relationship.

Encourage Professional Help: Recommend online life or marriage coaching sessions with someone line Dollnita Winston. A professional can offer insights and coping skills.

Maintain Boundaries: Make sure there are boundaries set while still providing support. Avoid being mistreated or taken for granted.

Focus on Self-Care: Take care of yourself emotionally as well as physically. Engage in activities that make you happy or relaxed.

Coping with the Emotional Impact

A spouse’s mid-life crisis will inevitably take an emotional toll on you. Instead of disregarding your emotions, embrace them,  acknowledge and deal with your feelings as they come. Consider the following ways:

Seek Support: Talk to friends, family members or coaches regarding these experiences so that they assist you in getting relief from such feelings and give you advice on how to handle them best.

Stay Informed: Learn more about midlife crises so that you can be able to sympathize with your partner better during such times as well as respond wisely when he seeks assistance from you going forward.

Be a Part of Support Groups: Look for local or virtual support groups to help you understand and process the emotions and develop the skills you need to work through the situation.  

Practice Mindfulness: This can be through meditation and yoga as well as other relaxation techniques to deal with stress and maintain emotional balance.

Realistic Expectations: As you understand that you cannot “fix” your partner, remember that they are going through their own journey independently.

The Journey To Recovery

While it is a time of strain on relationships, midlife crises can also provide opportunities for growth and renewal. Both of you may come out stronger and more connected when one’s partner is dealing with their internal demons. Here are some ways for enhancing personal growth during this phase:

Review Goals Together: Make use of this moment to reconsider the shared goals or aspirations that both of you have in order to bring meaning back into your relationship.  Start with small goals and work your way to your finish line.

Try New Activities: You can also start engaging in new activities together as a couple; this will help in adding value to your relationship by exploring new things.

Enhance Communication: Always make sure open and honest communication remains at top priority. Trust builds up through understanding each other.

Bring Back The Spark: Making efforts to rekindle the spark that you have for each other.  Relive the moments that brought you together in the first place.  Appreciate small steps made by celebrating them individually; this helps in reinforcing positive changes.


Remember that it is not your fault if your partner experiences a midlife crisis. By recognizing what midlife crisis entails, supporting them, and taking care of yourself, you can go through this period with strength and compassion. In the end, it can result in increased insight into yourselves and a more resilient relationship.

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