I Can’t Stop Talking About My Ex

Obsessive thoughts and finding relief: If you can't stop talking about your ex, you're not alone. Learn practical strategies to help you move on.
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Key Points:

It’s normal to fixate on your ex during a breakup. Recognize your emotions and seek healthy coping strategies.

Practice mindfulness, journaling, and self-care. Limit contact with your ex to reduce triggers and focus on healing.

Find support from friends and professionals.

If you’re finding it difficult to stop talking about your ex, you’re not alone. It’s a common experience, especially for individuals going through or considering a divorce. This journey is tough, filled with emotional highs and lows. You might be seeking answers to questions like, “How do I stop obsessive thoughts about my ex?” or “Is it normal to constantly think about your ex?” Let’s explore these questions and provide you with supportive, practical advice.

Why Am I So Fixated on My Ex?

After a breakup or during a divorce, it’s normal to feel fixated on your ex. You’ve likely spent an important part of your life with this person, building memories and routines together. When that relationship ends, your brain can struggle to adjust to the change. This fixation can be a way of processing the breakup, trying to understand what went wrong, or clinging to the familiarity of the past.

Is Obsessing Over an Ex OCD?

Obsessing over an ex isn’t necessarily the same as having Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). However, it can feel similar. OCD involves intrusive thoughts and compulsions that are difficult to control. While obsessing over an ex can be intense and distressing, it’s often a temporary reaction to the breakup. If these thoughts are interfering with your daily life or lasting for an extended period, it might be helpful to seek professional support.

How Do I Stop Obsessive Thoughts About My Ex?

Here are some strategies to help you manage obsessive thoughts about your ex:

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, or sad. Allow yourself to experience these emotions rather than suppressing them.

  2. Limit Contact: Reduce or eliminate contact with your ex, including on social media. Seeing updates about their life can trigger more obsessive thoughts.

  3. Stay Busy: Engage in activities that you enjoy or try something new. Keeping your mind occupied can help reduce the time you spend thinking about your ex.

  4. Talk to Someone: Share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. Sometimes, just talking about what you’re going through can provide relief.

  5. Seek Professional Help: Consider talking to a therapist or a divorce coach who can provide you with tools and strategies to cope.

  6. Practice Self-Care: Take care of your physical and mental health. Exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, and practice mindfulness or meditation.

What to Do When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex?

When thoughts of your ex dominate your mind, try these additional techniques:

  • Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help you process your emotions and gain insight into your obsession.
  • Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for yourself about when and where you allow yourself to think about your ex.
  • Mindfulness Exercises: Practice mindfulness to stay present and focused on the current moment, rather than dwelling on the past.
  • Replace Negative Thoughts: Whenever a thought about your ex arises, consciously replace it with a positive or neutral thought.

Is It Normal to Constantly Think About Your Ex?

Yes, it’s normal to think about your ex after a breakup. Your brain is adjusting to a new reality, and it takes time to heal from the emotional impact of a breakup or divorce. However, if these thoughts are overwhelming and persistent, it might be beneficial to seek support.

How to Handle Your Friends Who Don’t Want to Talk About Your Ex Anymore

While talking about your ex can be a way to process your feelings, it’s important to be mindful of how it impacts your friends. They care about you, but constantly bringing up your ex can strain your relationships. Here’s how to handle this delicate situation:

  1. Be Self-Aware: Recognize when you’re talking about your ex too much. Pay attention to your friends’ reactions and body language.

  2. Set Limits: Agree with your friends on a “venting quota.” For example, allow yourself 10 minutes of talking about your ex, then switch topics.

  3. Find Other Outlets: Use journaling or talk to a therapist or online divorce coach to express your feelings, so you don’t overburden your friends.

  4. Express Gratitude: Thank your friends for their support and understanding. Let them know you appreciate their patience during this difficult time.

  5. Seek Professional Help: If you’re finding it hard to control your need to talk about your ex, professional support can be invaluable. Our online life coach and divorce coach services are available to help you navigate these feelings.

Finding Support

At DivorcePlus, we understand how challenging this time can be. That’s why we offer round-the-clock 24-hour professional services to support you whenever you need it. Whether you’re looking for divorce information, an online divorce lawyer, or an online life coach, we’re here to help.

Free Resources and Consultations

In addition to our professional services, we provide free expert articles to guide you through every step of your divorce journey. You can also take advantage of a free 15-minute divorce coach consultation to get personalized advice and support tailored to your situation.


Talking about your ex and having obsessive thoughts can be a natural part of the healing process. Understanding why you feel this way and learning strategies to manage your thoughts can make a significant difference. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and use the resources available to you. At DivorcePlus, we’re committed to providing the support you need during this challenging time.

For more information and resources, visit our Divorce 101 page. If you need immediate assistance, our online divorce coach and online life coach services are available to you 24/7.

You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out and take the first step towards healing and moving forward with your life.

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