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Why Do We Say Bad Things to the Ones We Love?

From heated arguments, to moments of frustration, damaging words may come out of our mouths and hit those whom we treasure most. But why?
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As children, we gain most of our socializing skills from the playground and we’ve most likely all heard the saying that “When a boy teases you, it means he likes you.”  For many, this continues into adulthood and the nearer we are to someone, the more likely it is for us to say things that we would like take back later. 

The Intimacy Paradox

The clue lies in how close we are with our loved ones. Vulnerability accompanies intimacy which is why it can cause such deep pain. It’s because when you’re so close that you know what will sting most. No barriers exist emotionally at times of anger or distress; this means they turn into regrettable outbursts.

Additionally, there is always an unspoken understanding between family members that they accept one another no matter what happens. Often, this fact is taken for granted as people assume that their outbursts will be pardoned and soon forgotten forever. This assumption can also prove tricky since it doesn’t acknowledge how long-lasting words can be.

The Impact of Hurtful Words

Hurtful words are like arrows; they cannot be taken back and inflict deep and long-lasting wounds. These phrases destroy relationships by causing a lack of trust, emotional distance and resentment leading to retaliation cycles among other things. The fabric starts wearing thin and if not addressed these tears can become irreparable damage caused by all actions done unknowingly done with precision about some particular important guidance.

Repairing Damage

In case you have noticed your relationship being spoiled by hurtful expressions there is still hope for healing though it takes some efforts together with honesty plus readiness to change oneself only required being sincere enough as well as committed towards improving on own character traits in order restoring sound relations inside family or marriage circle but today I’m going highlight few ways through which one might mend relations between two parties in conflict.

Acknowledge and Apologize

The first step towards healing is admitting the hurt you have caused and making an honest apology. However, this is not about just saying “I am sorry”, but showing real regret for your words and how they affected someone else’s feelings. This means accepting responsibility without giving excuses.

Seek Understanding

Try to determine what made you say what you said. Was it anger, envy or maybe pressure? Did you purposely say something to cause the most damage?  Are you trying to make your significant other “feel the same hurt you do?”  Finding out these underlying problems will help you address them directly and prevent repeating the same errors in future.

Open Communication

Create an atmosphere where open communication is encouraged in order to foster better understanding of each other’s feelings. Talk about your emotions and urge your loved one on sharing theirs. Such mutual understanding can strengthen the bond and avert future conflicts as well.

Professional Support

Sometimes, it may be wise to seek professional assistance when dealing with complicated relationship dynamics. Services like DivorcePlus offer counseling support programs that equip couples with effective communication techniques leading to trust repair or improvement.

If there is no hope of saving such a union, it could be important considering things like life coaching so that transition would take place gracefully bearing in mind its relevance in bouncing back from difficult situations through guidance received from professionals such as Victoria Habib who has experience dealing specifically with families during such moments.

Commit to Change

Commit yourself into making practical changes over how you communicate around conflict issues especially by self-searching, seeking counseling or adopting healthier ways of conveying information so as to heal and grow completely.


Usually, saying unpleasant things to those we care about tells the world that we are going through emotional pain and our lives are insecure. We need to acknowledge the consequences of our words and make necessary moves towards mending such damage if we want to develop healthy relationships for life. Remember it is never too late to say sorry, learn from your mistakes or make up for anything wrong you did. Through promoting openness in communication and consulting professionals when needed, we shall overcome the challenges thus strengthening our connection with our loved ones.

Healing and development are not destinations but journeys hence each step towards empathy and understanding counts toward stronger bonds of love.  Read more about our bonds and relationships, and other articles.

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